How to Stop Owning Other People's S#@% - Freeing Yourself and Letting Others Learn

In leadership, relationships, and life, it's easy to take on responsibilities that aren't truly ours. Whether it's fixing other people’s mistakes, shielding them from failure, or feeling accountable for their emotions, we can unknowingly burden ourselves with things that don’t belong to us.

Learning how to release this unnecessary weight not only frees us but also empowers others to grow. Here’s how:

1. People Are Naturally Creative, Resourceful, and Whole

One of the most powerful mindset shifts is recognizing that people are capable. They may struggle, but they are not helpless. When we intervene unnecessarily, we imply that they can’t stand on their own. Not only does this diminish their confidence and growth, it also tells them that we don’t trust them. Believing that others can navigate their own challenges is a gift that will keep on giving.

2. Respect That Struggle Is a Path to Growth

Think about the hardest thing you’ve gone through in your life—at work, in life, in health, etc. Consider the person you were before the experience versus the person you are today. Struggle is an essential part of development. It teaches resilience, problem-solving, and adaptability. When we step in to prevent someone else’s failure, we rob them of the opportunity to learn their own lessons. Instead of seeing failure as something to avoid, we can embrace it as an opportunity for growth—both for ourselves and for those around us.

3. Subsidizing Bad Behavior Sends the Wrong Message

When we take responsibility for others' actions, we inadvertently reinforce negative patterns. If someone repeatedly makes mistakes, avoids responsibility, or fails to show up for themselves or others, and we continue to step in, we enable that behavior and de-incentivize their growth. Holding people accountable for their own actions encourages them to take ownership and make necessary changes. Here’s the thing—you don’t even have to hold them accountable. All you have to do is not hold yourself accountable for what isn’t yours, and then ‘let the chips fall as they may.’

4. Healthy Boundaries Are About More Than Self-Protection

Setting boundaries isn’t just about protecting yourself from stress and over commitment—it’s also about allowing others to experience what they need to learn. Boundaries create space for growth. When we refrain from taking on others’ burdens, we help them develop resilience and self-sufficiency.

Letting Go Without Letting Down

Releasing the responsibility for other people’s actions and emotions doesn’t mean abandoning them. It means showing up as a support, not as a savior. It’s about guiding, not controlling. It’s about empowering, not rescuing. When we shift our mindset and actions in this way, we cultivate stronger, more independent, and more capable individuals around us. Also, who says we know what’s best about everything, all the time anyway?

So the next time you feel the urge to take on something that isn’t yours, pause. Ask yourself: Is this truly my responsibility? Am I helping or hindering growth? If it’s not yours to carry, let it go. You’ll be lighter, and they’ll be stronger for it.